“i give so much of myself to others that i don’t have anything left. you got my ears, my eyes, my skin, and my breath. i gave my body to the first guy who touched me like he meant it. my lips went to the boy who bit them shut. my blood ran through my lovers, friends who faded like ink dries in the sun. i have flashlights in my hair that i use to search for the girl i gave away. when you’re not looking, when it’s 2 a.m. and your song is playing. the song that has been tearing the sadness out of me since i was 17.
i’m looking for me and i find only the heartache i hid in the piano i stopped playing. i don’t know how to hold all of this inside of me, so i crack my ribs and shove them inside of people’s skin to leave room. it’s temporary happiness. it’s happiness that sits on your window sill and watches your tears fall through the cracks in the tornado you are wearing around your neck. i will never be whole again and that terrifies me. i give myself out like take-out menus and you always forget to tip.
i’m listening to your song and i’m thinking of that time i told some guy at a party that i wanted to take his virginity, but you were the only one who got anything. and now he’s with a girl who loves him for more than just the way his hair falls on his face. and i’ve been thinking about how everyone i know is either dying or having children, and it’s a cycle i can’t bear to watch unfold in front of the movie theatre that we hooked up in.
i need you so much closer. i need you only when you’re the furthest away. now i can’t feel like i used to. i don’t have the weight to carry you. i don’t have a life because i gave it away to everyone i knew. i’m thinking about how far you are and remembering that we are black holes; we can’t be replaced. nothing is permanent and nothing can be re-claimed. not actions, not time, not lovers, not friends.
not even ourselves."
transatlanticism (via achingchest.tumblr.com)
[movie: the princess diaries]
18 23847 hours ago
i’ll do all of them, don’t worry!! which is your favorite? as a child, mine was blossom!! also, i don’t know if anyone else has done this. if you message me, i can credit you!!