This has basically been my view for the last week. The clothes may be different, the doctor may be different, but either way the view is the same. Me staring at the floor having just done yet another round lab work that fluctuates daily, and having gone over the same symptoms only to hear the doctor say "You're the healthiest sick person I've ever seen". It's frustrating.
But even still, today is a slightly better day. So I'll take it.
That phrase is so very relative these days. Typically when I say "it's a good day" it means I ran my 5 mile run at 7:45 pace and felt good. But today it means I could drive my car, get more calories in, and laugh with my husband. And I've only cried once. That's a win.
It's all relative.
So at this point I will take my win and I will use it to propel me to tomorrow. Though right now this may be all consuming, in the grand course of my wonderful life this will be a blip.
Update on Operation Figure This Shit Out: Last week felt like every day was a step (or 12) backwards. I tried to run once and my body very quickly forced me to sit down and shut up. It's been a mess.
I miss running with my team. I miss running with my dog. I miss being healthy. I miss my life.
But... I am a work in progress.
Still waiting on some of the bloodwork, but started with a methly B12 shot today. I've been taking this as a supplement for the last 10 months and while I saw some improvement the first few months, that declined over time indicating that absorption is a problem for me. We'll see where this takes thing, but today feels like a step forward.
11 815:50 PM Sep 7, 2017
Bear with me for a minute here cause things are about to get real. This is what it looks like when you're trying damn hard to figure out wtf is going on with your body and why you have zero exercise tolerance. My team of doctors think we're on the right track with some sort of crash between my thyroid, adrenal system and B vitamin and ferritin levels, but it's important not to play Whack-a-mole with your health, so I'm digging deep. I don't just want to just throw another supplement into the mix to see what happens. I want to get to the root cause and address it head on.
So I'm in the throws of it all right now; the yuck, the strain, the wondering, the worry, all of it. But, I also believe that in the end the best is yet to come. Better health, stronger training, faster racing. I believe that if I honor my body and really commit to listening to whatever it tells me it needs, that what lies ahead is better than where I am, and where I've been. So in that way- I appreciate this disaster and it's labyrinth of complexity. This is an opportunity, not an obligation, and I will be better off because of it.